They're Actually Going To Finish?

With less than 20 days until Rachel Marie's graduation the co-creators of Rachel's Graduation Gift believe they can actually finish the film.

A few weeks ago the co-creators filmed the last shots of their moving picture despite the fact that Steven M. Paquin's back was essentially severed in half. "This production was a runaway train careening towards another runaway train, and not even a broken back could stop them," said Mr. Paquin. The only setbacks created by Mr. Paquin's equine related injury were that "[Jacob Cote and Nicholas Cote] had to carry [Mr. Paquin's] shit for him because he was too weak and feeble." "These modern punk youths.  Back in my day...." said Mr. Jacob Cote as he went off into a long story about how he had to walk to school, barefoot, with a broken back, without a brace, through the snow, up-hill, both ways. 

The last day of filming had few other setback. "The Diva [Mr. Nicholas Cote] didn't throw any temper tantrums. Actually, I was the one who was complaining, because I thought I had the swine flu." "We had a grand time which I'll treasure forever," Said Mr. Jacob Cote.

 

Mr. Nicholas Cote was quite relieved filming was over, stating immediately after the last shot was taken, "I feel like I want to buy you two [Mr. Jacob Cote and Mr. Paquin] a gift." Mr. Jacob Cote differed from his brother. The way he felt after filming ended was "[n]ot at all how [he] feel now that law school is done, because [he] actually liked filming." Mr. Paquin, however, was excited that filming was over, but for completely different reasons from Mr. Nicholas Cote.

"I'm psyched, mates. Now that we got all them shots, I get to go into the editing room and put it together. It's time to make the flicker. We got the ingredients, now we got to cook them crumpets. Of course, now that this project's almost done, it means I got to start another one. I feast on juicies like this."

For some reason, Mr. Paquin was also speaking in what sounded to be a low class British accent, maybe Cockney. 

Mr. Paquin was clearly confident that post-production, which is typically regarded as the most grueling aspect of filming, could be competed within less than three weeks. Mr. Jacob Cote only stated that "[f]ailure is not an option."

And as their first step in post-production, the three co-creators have decided on a title for Rachel's Graduation Gift. "[T]he title is a masterpiece (that's not the title)," said Mr. Jacob Cote. 

They then unveiled the final trailer and poster, which both reveal the film's title. They can both be viewed below.

  

Now having a title and being in post-production, we asked Mr. Jacob Cote and Mr. Paquin to compare "Graduated Development" to the previous film they collaborated on, "Nick: A Talkie". Mr. Jacob Cote said, "It's bigger, it's better, it's Bond and beyond." Still in his Cockney accent, Mr. Paquin said, "It's gonna be off the chain."

When asked what they would be doing next, Mr. Jacob said, "I wish it were another movie. Instead, it's studying for the bar exam. Fuck." Mr. Paquin only said, "This," and played the following trailer. 

Apparently Mr. Paquin now has his own YouTube channel, "Steven M. Paquin's Variety 2-Hour". Currently, the channel is airing all four trailers for "Graduated Development", "Nick: A Talkie" the 1 Year Anniversary Edition in seven parts, and the trailer for "Steven M. Paquin'sVariety 2-Hour". 

Final Filming Date

Surprise news has come from the co-creators of Rachel's Graduation Gift. Despite the fact that several weeks ago Steven M. Paquin broke his back during a "high adventure African expedition on horseback", he has traveled to the filming location in Alexandria, Virginia to complete the filming of Rachel's Graduation Gift in a long twelve hour day shoot. Mr. Paquin had this to say:

"People ask me, 'Mr. Paquin, how are you going to act with a broken back and back brace in the way?' Answer: I am a phenomenal thespian."

Nobody asked him that question. Regardless of Mr. Paquin's apparent insanity, we are glad he is back to finish the project. 

Fourth Teaser Poster

Below is the fourth teaser poster for Rachel's Graduation Gift.

Third Trailer

The third trailer for Rachel's Graduation Gift is below.

A Swing And A Miss

(Above, Mr. Jacob Cote and Mr. Paquin reviewing the script)

Last week, the co-creators met in the D.C. Metro Area to continue filming on Rachel's Graduation Gift, and it was a solid, utter, failure. As evidence to how bad it was, Steven M. Paquin's only comment was, "Don't even talk to me." Gladly, Mr. Paquin. We will question the other more coherent co-creators about the weekend.

Observing the horrendous mood the other co-creators, Jacob Cote and Nicholas Cote, were in, we decided to start out small with a stock question about Carl Weathers' Craft Service. The fans cannot seem to get enough information about Mr. Weathers and his craft service, and the co-creators cannot seem to get any craft service from Mr. Weathers craft service. As presumed, this weekend was not an exception. Apparently, "Quiznos took over from [Mr. Weathers]," and "the only improvements came because [Mr. Nicholas Cote] bought [everyone] dinner."

It is unclear is Quiznos just took over for Mr. Weathers for this particular weekend or for the rest of the production. Of course, Mr. Weathers was unavailable for comment. 

Fortunately, the entire weekend was apparently not a complete failure. Even these assumed failures regarding the craft service only occured later in the weekend. According to Mr. Jacob Cote "Friday's filming was a spectacular success." However, "due to a variety of factors on Saturday -- including poor weather and punks using 'our' tennis court -- we filmed less than we had intended." 

We asked with assumed futility what they intended to film, and Mr. Nicholas Cote's only response was, "Futility 

indeed." Mr. Jacob Cote was somewhat more helpful, explaining that "[they] intended to film the vast majority of Mr. Steven M. Paquin's remaining scenes." Obviously a tough blow for everyone. Mr. Jacob Cote and Mr. Nicholas Cote must continue to deal with Mr. Paquin's antics, we must continue to ask Mr. Paquin questions, and we can only assume Mr. Paquin is not pleased with having to return to the set again. Of course, Mr. Paquin was not in a question answering mood, so there is no way to know how he actually felt. However, even if he was interested in speaking with us, is answer would probably be completely illogical. Probably not even Mr. 

Paquin himself knows how he feels about returning to the set. 

(Above, a visibly insane Mr. Paquin)

From this point, activity on the set only became worse. Mr. Nicholas Cote became increasingly agitated because "[he] was out in the cold, in a t-shit and shorts, waiting, waiting, waiting. For hours. And very little got done." Though Mr. Nicholas Cote was gentlemanly for purchasing dinner for the co-creators, he became irrate when his frustration with the cold and setbacks exploded after a new Best Boy, Scotty Lancaster, walked into Mr. Nicholas Cote's eye line. 

The Best Boy is the assistant of the Gaffer, or head of the electrical department responsible lighting. An eye line is an individual's line of sight, and while filming, no one is supposed to walk into an actors eye line because it breaks his concentration. Of course, this is difficult for new comers like Mr. Lancaster to be aware of because the an actor's eye line continues even out of frame. Therefore, even if one is avoiding entering the frame, he can still cross an eye line. However, Mr. Nicholas Cote did not care that Mr. Lancaster was unfamiliar with filming  edicate as evidenced by the following recording of Mr. Nicholas Cote's explosion. 

We asked Mr. Jacob Cote what he thought about his brother's out burst, but he was "too afraid to say anything." Since it was a few days after his explosion, we thought it would be safe to asked Mr. Nicholas Cote if he thought his argument with Mr. Lancaster was appropriate. Mr. Nicholas Cote had this to say:

"The thing that I want to stress is that I have no confusion whatsoever. I was out of order beyond belief. I was way out of order. I acted like a punk -- I regret that, and there is nobody that has heard that tape that i harder by it than me. So I make no excuses for it -- it is inexcusable, and I hope that is absolutely clear."

"I am embarrassed by it, and I regret it -- and I ask everybody to sit down and ask themselves, 'Have you ever had a bad day, and have you ever lost your temper and really regretted it immensely?'"

Fortunately, Mr. Nicholas Cote eventually regained his comosure, and "[he] patched things up with the Best Boy later that day." He also added:

"We're good friends. I may even name my first born Scotty."

As for Ms. Lancaster, he is back on the production as the Best Boy. However, the Gaffer has decided that it is best if he only be responsible for scenes Mr. Nicholas Cote is not in, which actually appears to be the majority of the film. 

Asked about the incident, Mr. Lancaster only had to say this:

"I appreciate being given the opportunity to continue working on the film instead of returning to the pot belly stove factory. I truly regret that I was unaware and let that endanger my future work in Hollywood. I promise it will not happen again."

Asked if their were plans to shoot in the future, Mr. Nicholas Cote said:

"Undoubtedly. Actually, I think [Mr. Jacob Cote] and [Mr. Paquin] are lying to me about how much filming we have left. I have a terrible feeling we are only 1/3 done."

Mr. Jacob Cote added that "some filing will occur in Rhode Island over [his] and [Mr. Paquin's] spring breaks," and that "the vast majority of the remaining filming will occur in April in the D.C. Metro area, when the weather improves." From this statement, it appears that Mr. Nicholas Cote maybe correct. Filming of Rachel's Graduation Gift may only be a third complete. 

(Above , a clearly distressed Mr. Jacob Cote)

Finally, we asked if there would be an promotional events in the near future, considering that the premiere is fast approaching. Mr. Jacob Cote assured that "the one thing [everyone] can count on is more promotions." However, Mr. Nicholas Cote will not be participating in them. "After [his] little tirade, [Mr. Jacob Cote and Mr. Paquin] don't want [him] doing much promotion wise." Mr. Nicholas Cote said "it's a shame" because "[he]was hoping to promote the film when Conan takes over the Tonight Show in June. But it looks like [Mr. Jacob Cote and Mr. Paquin] won't even let [him] on Craig now"

Photos From 02/27/09 Weekend

More? There's More?

That's correct, the co-creators still have more filming to do, and no it is not re-shoots, establishing shots, or ten second scenes to tie up loose ends. The co-creators still have substantial filming to conduct, even though the premiere is about three months away.

According to Jacob Cote, the plan is to film "most of Steven M. Paquin's remaining scenes, at a park in Alexandria, VA" this coming weekend, February 27 - March 1. For being just a supporting actor, Mr. Paquin is sure in a superfluous amount of scenes. Allegedly, "they're all gold, and these scenes will be the cream of the crop." That is, of course, how Mr. Paquin envisions it. Nicholas Cote was far more pessimistic:

"Whatever we film, and whenever we film it, all I know for sure is that it will be terrible."

It is unclear if this is just because none of the three co-creators really know what they are doing or of because of the economic situation. Last time filming took place, Mr. Jacob Cote explained that because of the economic situation they had to operate with a "skeleton crew." Mr. Nicholas Cote would not clarify if they or the economy was to blame for everything being terrible, but he did add that he was planning on "ask[ing] Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner, but" decided not to because "[Secretary Geithner] can't even get his taxes right." Echoing this sentiment, Mr. Jacob Cote stated:

"The economy is even worse.  But we didn't get a cut of the 'stimulus.' Thanks, Savior Obama."

Mr. Paquin claimed he would "foot the bill with [his] obscene amount of money generated through [his] business ventures," but it should be noted that Mr. Paquin is a college student; therefore, by definition he is poor because he is probably spending money to fund a sewer of no morals. 

Regarding how much filming remains, fans studio executives, the honoree Rachel Paquin, and probably everyone else except the co-creators are worried about whether or not this film will completed for its projected premiere on June 7, 2009. 

"After this weekend, the filming should be approximately 2/3 completed. The movie will definitely be ready for June 7. That is not the projected premiere date; that IS the premiere date."

This according to Mr. Jacob Cote, who, according to Mr. Nicholas Cote in a previous report, cannot properly run a filming schedule. Thus, it comes as no surprise that Mr. Nicholas Cote has broken ranks with the co-creators. While Mr. Jacob Cote is fearlessly trekking forward with production, and Mr. Paquin is obviously not paying attention, Mr. Nicholas Cote admitted that:

"They tell me it'll be ready. I have my doubts. Sorry, Rachel."

Definitely a serious blow, since Mr. Nicholas Cote, though certainly an amateur filmmaker, has the most education in film making. 

Aside from 2 - 1 third of filming remaining, other setbacks include a lack of a title. When asked if a title had been selected within the past week, Mr. Jacob Cote responded curtly stating that "[he] still [had] no comment on the title," and asking us to "stop asking [him] that question and get a new hobby." Mr. Paquin revealed that one of the titles they did try out was "The Greatest Movie Ever", but ultimately, "those other two yellow bellied cowards [Mr. Jacob Cote and Mr. Nicholas Cote] thought it would piss off [Miss Paquin] too much."

In addition to the title, there is also post production, which within Hollywood circles, is regarded as the most grueling and time consuming part of the production process. According to Mr. Jacob Cote, preliminary editing has already begun, and he "will continue doing the easy editing," while "later, Mr. Paquin will do the difficult editing." Mr. Paquin, doing something difficult. We smell disaster, and so does Mr. Nicholas Cote. 

"Some shoddy editing has begun. George Lucas is a better editor than our people."

Even though Mr. Jacob Cote maintains that his last film in collaboration with Mr. Paquin, "Nick: A Talkie", was an "Oscar caliber production," and that Rachel's Graduation Gift will be just as good, early analysis indicates that Rachel's Graduation Gift will miss the Oscar train and head straight to the Razzies. 

Fans Honor Rachel Marie

Last week it was revealed that the honoree of Rachel's Graduation Gift, Rachel Maire, earned a full scholarship to Iona College. In response, some fans, most notably a one Patricia Callas, has created here own short film honoring Miss Paquin's achievement. 

When the short filmed premiered on You Tube, Steven M. Paquin came running to us - seriously he ran to our publishing office, no call, just ran their, in suit in all - shouting, "We were first! We were first!" 

After we gave Mr. Paquin a seat and a glass of water we asked what his thoughts were about his sister's achievement, to which he responded, "Who?" We explained the entire story to him, but he only spoke in mumblings of "What?", "I don't understand," and "But I'm the oldest." 

We then terminated the line of questioning. His confusion only made us confused because if he had no idea what we were talking about, why did he come running to our office screaming, "We were first!" Mr. Paquin never ceases to amaze us.

The other co-creators, Jacob Cote and Nicholas Cote, were far more coherent. Mr. Jacob Cote called the short film "brilliant," and remarked that "thankfully it won't have to compete against [their] film at the Oscars, because her film is a short film, and [their] film is anything but short." Mr. Nicholas Cote agreed and actually admitted that it is "better than [theirs]" because "it has brevity." 

When asked if Miss Paquin's achievement would have any impact on the filming, Mr. Jacob Cote said, "My only comment is: congratulations." However, Mr. Nicholas Cote was far more forthcoming, something that has been rare amongst the co-creators. He stated that before "[Mr. Jacob Cote] was scheming to film in Boston, but [he] think[s] that's out now."

Here is the You Tube link to the short film; however, it is also embedded below.

Filming Resumed Two Weeks Ago

After what seemed to be over a two week break from filming on Rachel's Graduation Gift - a stunt unheard of within Hollywood circles - the co-creators resumed filming of Rachel's Graduation Gift two weeks ago on January 30th. 

According to Steven M. Paquin, "[he] needed a break from all [my] amazing yet exhaustive method acting, so [he] spent about two months at [his] Italian villa." The other co-creators, Jacob Cote and Nicholas Cote did not deny that "Mr. Paquin was definitely responsible for the gap," but Mr. Jacob Cote did contend Mr. Paquin's claim to an Italian vacation. 

"He [Mr. Paquin] was sent to acting school to learn how to actually act, as opposed to merely method act. He was not able to rest at his Italian villa because it was repossessed by the bank. "

Mr. Nicholas Cote added, "[Mr. Paquin] has no home in Italy.  Who does he think he is, George Clooney?"

The mere fact as to whether Mr. Paquin ever had an Italian villa or if it was simply repossessed by the bank is still being investigated by our journalists. 

Filming continued, once again, at the Georgetown Law Campus with only a skeleton crew because "[they're] not immune to the recession," according to Mr. Jacob Cote. Mr. Paquin concurred:

"Damn right we're not immune to the recession. Government regulations screwing us up the ass. We have to fill out all their stupid forms and follow their ridiculous communist and psychotic environmental registrations. There's no money after doing all that."

Of course, Mr. Paquin said this from the fully platinum porch of his brand new Arizona ranch outfitted with a state of the art nuclear bunker; Mr. Paquin never got the memo that the Cold War ended the year he was born. 

"Look, I can't even afford glasses," said Mr. Paquin as he took a swig of Crystal. However, Mr. Paquin is a notoriously lazy person. In his kitchen cupboards he had twenty pure gold chalices outfitted with numerous rare gems. Mr. Paquin lives alone, and never invites guests to his places of residence. Yet, he has twenty of these chalices. 

Apparently there were a few complications on the Friday filming date. Mr. Jacob only accounted for "only one: the trains weren't running on time." Mr. Paquin agreed. "[He] traveled from an exclusive fashion show in New York to D.C. in [his] personal bullet train that was slowed down by those statists at Amtrak." However, we all know that Mr. Paquin was probably traveling from Goucher College on Amtrak.

Mr. Nicholas Cote's complaints include Mr. Paquin's late arrival, but "[he] [didn't] even want to think about why" because "[Mr. Paquin] was probably doing something illegal."

"What the hell is he implying? I'm a model human being," said Mr. Paquin as he sat down from firing a shell from 

his shot gun in the general area of a teenager passing in front of his property. "He was probably stepping on my property a little bit."

However, Mr. Nicholas Cote said "[Mr. Paquin] is always a complication." Additionally, Mr. Nicholas Cote complained that "[they] had to go back to Georgetown law library, which was [their] first place of shooting." 

"That's what happens when you let Jacob Cote figure out the schedule."

Mr. Nicholas Cote also admitted that "It feels like [the production] will never end."

"I swear to God this movie will be like 5 hours long."

We hope not. No one wants to sit down and watch Apocalypse Now: Redux after enduring a high school 

graduation ceremony.

(On right, photo of Mr. Nicholas Cote complaining and/or frustrated. Maybe?)

Mr. Jacob Cote appeared to imply that the length would be much shorter, stating that the production process was "somewhere between 50% +1 and 100%" complete. 

One complaint all three of the co-creators could agree upon was that Carl Weathers' craft service was not up to par.

"That guy's a hack." - Mr. Paquin

"He forgot the utensils." - Mr. Jacob Cote

"The economy sucks, so we can't afford craft service. I saw Steven steal a half-eaten Big Mac right out of the hands of a homeless guy. Harsh times, man. Harsh times." - Mr. Nicholas Cote

Apparently, Mr. Nicholas Cote was not aware that an under par craft service was available. Of course, maybe Mr. Nicholas Cote is telling the truth. He did reveal an embarrassing bit about Mr. Paquin, which he personally would never admit to. His tastes are too refined for Big Mac's, especially those touched by the homeless. While at his ranch, Mr. Paquin only ate chicken livers, and raw oysters flown in from Japan, both of which were prepared by servants in what appeared to be haz-mat suits. 

Since the co-creators were not available for questions after the premiere of the second teaser trailer, we decided to ask them a few questions about it. Most importantly, the enormous surprise that a main focus of the film would be the sport tennis, despite the fact that Rachel Marie - the honoree of this film - only played organized tennis for a fortnight several years ago. When asked how tennis related to Rachel Marie's graduation from high school Mr. Jacob Cote stated, "Answers to these questions will be revealed in another surprise -- the movie." Mr. Nicholas Cote told us to "look up metaphor in the dictionary"

Another interesting feature of the trailer was that it appeared to lack a title. It did play up the phrase, "Tennis Anyone?" but this appears to merely be a tag line. Now in the new year, and only three or four months from the premiere, we were wondering whether there was a title yet. Mr. Jacob Cote appeared to be confused, and while conducting his interview with us over the phone, he turned away, shouting, "Title, anyone?" 

Mr. Jacob Cote was not shouting to the other crew members for an answer. He was in his apartment calling to his brother, Mr. Nicholas Cote, who shouted back, "This is above my pay grade."

Aside from the surprising elements of the second trailer, photos from the latest film date include several shots of 

Mr. Paquin in full pirate regalia. According to Mr. Paquin, "in addition to the tennis story arc, a swashbuckling arc will be included, the two will intersect, and obviously conflict will ensue." No one is sure how swashbucklers and tennis players equals conflict, but Mr. Nicholas Cote dispelled the notions of pirates and gold doubloons being key plot points. 

"I've been trying since the beginning of this project to get some good dueling or chandelier-swinging in the movie, but [Mr.] Jacob [Cote] and [Mr. Paquin] have always opposed it. They think they are making some art house masterpiece. Don't be fooled by the pictures."

In regards to Mr. Paquin's ridiculous claim and the pirate photos, Mr. Jacob Cote only said, "All I can tell you is to remember to eat plenty of limes, as they prevent the scurvy."

Even though we have heard little from the co-creators over the past few months, two teaser posters were presented, including a completely superfluous homage to President Barack Obama's election. Asking if we could look forward to being inundated with promotional material in the near future, Mr. Jacob Cote gave the elusive answer that "we have everything to look forward to. And we have all the time in the world."

Mr. Nicholas Cote was a little clearer saying, "Our marketing team is hard at work with something exciting. Okay, I don't really know that. [Mr. Paquin] threatened me to say that. He was still in the pirate getup and started throwing limes at me until I agreed to say that. The limes really hurt."

When questioned as to whether he actually did this, Mr. Paquin only said, "Of course I did." 

Finally, we asked when filming would continue. "[Mr. Paquin] [has] no damn idea; nobody has told [him] anything." However, Mr. Jacob Cote and Mr. Nicholas Cote are playing to continue filming next weekend from February 21 to 22. 

"We should get a lot accomplished because Mr. Paquin won't be there to slow us down." - Mr. Jacob Cote

"We think we can get more done without him." - Mr. Nicholas Cote

(On left, photo of Mr. Paquin slowing down production with his elaborate costumes)

Don't worry; your secret's safe with us. 

Photographs From January 30th Filming