Second Teaser Trailer

This was the teaser trailer released on Thanksgiving Day at the Paquin Theater. 

Filming Continues On Black Friday

The co-creators have announced that filming of Rachel's Graduation Gift will continue on Friday, November 28, or commonly known as Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. Filming will take place on location at Mount Saint Charles Academy in Woonsocket, Rhode Island. 

The reason for the stark shift in geographic location is because the co-creators will be spending their Thanksgiving with family members who live in Rhode Island. Additionally, the co-creators will be premiering the second trailer for Rachel's Graduation Gift in the same state over this Thanksgiving, for the honoree and inspiration, Rachel Marie, lives in Rhode Island. In fact, Rachel Marie is currently a senior at Mount Saint Charles Academy, where filming will take place. 

The co-creators did not state whether or Rachel Marie's attendance at Mount Saint Charles Academy impacted their decision to film there. In fact, the co-creators did not state much else aside from this general information, which, surprisingly, is far more information than they have been willing to give in the past.

Once again, Carl Weathers could not be reached for comment because he is still trying to secure a restraining order against Tobias Funke. Additionally, Mr. Weathers' alleged stalker, Tobias Funke, still could not be reached for comment. 

Teaser Poster

Below is the teaser poster for Rachel's Graduation Gift, the co-creators released today. Obviously, it seems somewhat late, since the second trailer is premiering in a week. However, Steven M. Paquin "[doesn't] give a damn."

This Weekend's Difficulties

This past Saturday, November 15, filming of Rachel's Graduation Gift continued on location at Gouhcer College, where one of the co-creators, Steven M. Paquin, is currently a sophomore. Mr. Paquin was kind enough to meet with us in person on the Goucher campus despite his allegedly busy schedule, which demanded his presence in France where his multi-national business, Paquin Promethean International, is supposedly constructing a motor raceway. Of course, Mr. Paquin refused to provide any unquestionable evidence that he does indeed own a multi-national business, that it is called Paquin Promethean International, or that this apparent business is building a motor raceway in France.

"I don't have to prove myself to you buffoons."

Thus, he implied that he is only a chronic liar. Nicholas Cote appeared to confirm this when he said, "Don't believe anything he says to you, ever." However, in this particular instance, Mr. Nicholas Cote was referring to the European limousine and chauffeur Mr. Paquin claims he provided for the co-creators to use over the weekend. 

However, Mr. Jacob Cote contradicted his brother's assertion that no limousine existed, for when asked if everyone, including Mr. Paquin's two pet hyenas, fit in the limousine, Mr. Jacob Cote stated:

"I wouldn't be caught dead in that limousine -- which is what I would be if I dared enter it. There's hyena feces all over the floor, and the chauffeur's bloody corpse -- the work of [Mr. Paquin's] babies -- has yet to be removed."

So, already off to a fantastic start. A chronic liar amidst two brothers that consistently contradict one another.

(Photographed on the upper right is one of Mr. Paquin's

hyenas guarding the European limousine Mr. Paquin provided. Photographed on the bottom right is one of 

Mr. Paquin's hyenas sitting in the European limousine Mr. Paquin provided, which is littered with hyena feces and the chauffeur's blood.)

Though Mr. Paquin did admit letting his hyenas in the

limousine "was not one of [his] better ideas," he claimed

that nothing else over the weekend was his fault. In fact, he blamed Mr. Nicholas Cote for some serious filming schedule set backs: 

"He was being ridiculous. Complaining about efficiency or logic. I don't really know what. I don't understand that talk. Anyway his concern for efficiency actually set the filming schedule back several hours, and we never got to film the elephant stampede scene. Not only that, but since we did not have time for that scene, all the money used to rent 2000 elephant shoes for the weekend was wasted."

In response, Mr. Nicholas Cote pointed out that "the only time [he] was difficult was when [Mr. Paquin] insisted walking 10 minutes from [their] shooting location to go back to his dorm to change for another scene, even though he could have simply brought the change of clothes with him." He also added that the elephant stampede scene exists nowhere "except maybe [Mr. Paquin's] mind."

In a rare occurrence, Mr. Jacob Cote appeared to confirm Mr. Nicholas Cote's statement in regards to the elephant stampede scene:

" Mr. Paquin is ... confusing himself with Harry Saltzman, who was one of the original two Bond producers before his bad decisions (including renting elephant shoes for a stampede scene that didn't even make it into the final script) forced him to sell his share. If Mr. Paquin doesn't watch out, he'll end up like Saltzman."

Mr. Paquin only asserted that "[he] never confuses [his] identity with anyone else's," and that he is "positive their is an elephant stampede yet to be filmed."

Asked whether there were any other problems, Mr. Paquin took us to Goucher College's Pearlstone Atrium, where they filmed some scenes. According to Mr. Paquin, "this was the most difficult filming location" because "even though the building was closed, high and drunk college students kept snooping in for a rare 

glimpse at [him]." 

(Photographed on the left is a photo of Mr. Jacob Cote and Mr. Nicholas Cote attempting to film an important scene in the packed Pearlstone Atrium.) 

That last part probably is not true, but Mr. Jacob Cote and Mr. Nicholas Cote agreed that the Pearlstone Atrium was a difficult filming location because "punk hippies continually talked loudly and walked by ... even though they shouldn't have even been in that building." 

According to Mr. Jacob Cote, "[A]t that time they should have been out partying." He also took particular offense with "one really weird guy" who "continually walked around in circles eating a pizza." Mr. Jacob Cote did in fact call the National Guard ahead of time, so they could secure the campus for the weekend filming, but "[t]hose pansies" "refused to step foot on the campus because they were afraid of being killed."

When asked why they did not film these scenes in a better location, Mr. Paquin revealed that the scenes were originally scripted to be filmed out doors. Unfortunately, it rained, causing them to head in side.

"I just want all the environmentalist to know I am holding them accountable for this problem. If you wouldn't keep getting in the way of man's efforts to control nature, we would have a God damn weather machine by now, and we wouldn't have to deal with these inconveniences. At this very moment, I am declaring war on nature and those that harbor and support it."

We have a suspicion that this war will be an even bigger quagmire than Iraq. In any event, Mr. Nicholas Cote stated the rain did not affect the filming schedule "as much as it affected [his] mood," and Mr. Jacob Cote characterized it as "a blessing in disguise, because it's convinced [them] to film most of the other scenes [they] were originally going to shoot outdoors, indoors instead, where it's more controlled." Mr. Jacob Cote appears to have forgotten his statements about the "punk hippies" and the "really weird guy" he made four seconds ago. 

In regards to the dinning situation, which appeared bleak before the weekend, apparently some private financiers funded "a meal of gourmet burgers, never-ending fries, and hot fudge sundaes at Red Robin." According to Mr. Jacob Cote, "Carl Weathers was too busy getting a restraining order against Tobias Funke," but Mr. Nicholas Cote claims Mr. Weathers craft service is always below par because "he just throws some leftover meat, a potato, and some veggies into a bowl and tells [them] he's got a stew going."

Unfortunately, neither Mr. Weathers nor his stalker Tobias Funke could not be reached for comment. 

Obviously, the private financiers saved the co-creators from eating at Goucher's all vegetable and fruit dinning hall. Aside from the poor dining situation, all three co-creators had additional complaints about Goucher College. Mr. Nicholas Cote thought it "seemed more like a Soviet prison camp than a college." Mr. Jacob Cote stated that it has become "even more subversive" since his last visit, and that "this was [his] second and final visit." Mr. Paquin also claimed "this was [his] last visit." However, once again, he goes to school here, so, once again, he lied. 

Finally, we asked the co-creators if they could reveal any details about the film. Presently, no one has any idea where this film is going, and the latest batch of photos has only confused people more. Mr. Jacob Cote said, "the second trailer will give you a hunt." Unfortunately, this makes the situation even more confusing. Since Mr. Jacob Cote refused to comment on whether he actually meant 'hunt' or 'hint,' the second trailer could simply be released, or if there indeed could be some sort of advertising scavenger hunt similar to the viral campaign for The Dark Knight. We asked Mr. Nicholas Cote for more details. However, he only stated:

"I am afraid that [Mr. Paquin] will send his hyenas after me if I talk. Of course, I don't think he actually has the hyenas. But you don't cross a guy who pretends to have hyenas. He's obviously insane."

Therefore, that left only one person to ask, Mr. Paquin, who unfortunately appears to be descending into psychosis with each passing second. When we were about to ask him, he removed a fifty caliber Desert Eagle from under his suit jacket and shot a deer on the Goucher College campus. A security guard quickly looked over, but noticing who it was, he slowly backed away. At that point, we decided not to pressure Mr. Paquin with any further questions. However, as he approached the dead deer, Mr. Paquin said:

"Oh, by the way, the second trailer for Rachel's Graduation Gift will be released on Thursday, November 27, 2008. It will premiere before a privileged few, who may or may not engage in an Internet and urban cross country scavenger hunt. Later that day it will be uploaded to the Internet."

We asked why they decided to release the trailer on the Thanksgiving holiday, but Mr. Paquin responded by clicking the hammer back on the Desert Eagle, looking over his shoulder, and saying, "I have never heard of such a holiday."

Photos From Past Weekend

Filming Continues This Weekend

Filming of Rachel's Graduation Gift will continue this Saturday, November 15, on location at Goucher College.

Steven M. Paquin said he would "try to pencil it in," for he is allegedly "negotiating the construction of [his] new hotel casino in Macao." It is important to note that Mr. Paquin is actually a sophomore at Goucher College; therefore, even though his presence may be demanded in Macao to extend his Hollywood golden era themed hotel and casino chain, he will most probably be at Goucher College anyway.

It was somewhat odd that Mr. Paquin seemed unaware and uncaring that filming would continue within five days. When presented with Mr. Paquin's ambiguous attitude, Jacob Cote stated:

"I am not interested in what Mr. Paquin has or has not agreed to. He doesn't know what's going on anyway. Too busy with his big tobacco lobbying and taking care of his 'babies.'"

Mr. Paquin does indeed keep his "babies," meaning his pet hyenas The Joker and The Two Face, on the Goucher College campus, where Mr. Paquin "allow[s] them to roam freely and eat squirrels and deer." We learned that on one occasion one of Mr. Paquin's hyenas - he refused to name which - attacked a student, severely injuring him. Mr. Paquin then had to go before the Judiciary Board, more commonly known as the J-Board.

"I launched a successful defense, arguing that it was the hyena's nature to behave this way, and that punishing me, implied that the hyena's nature should be restricted, which would be an attempt to control the environment; something Goucher regards as unethical."

The J-Board promptly acquitted Mr. Paquin; however, many students remain sour about the incident, and still cannot reason their way around Mr. Paquin's logic. Campus rumors indicate that some students may try to protest the filming in response to this incident. Regarding this possibility Mr. Cote stated:

"Goucher U. is secluded and deluded. Any punk hippie counterculture students and professors who dare interrupt will be dealt with by the National Guard, Kent-State-style."

He went on, commenting on his filming preferences:

"Like Hitchcock, I loathe filming on location, particularly outside, because it's too difficult to control. I prefer to film everything, including outdoor scenes, in a studio. Unfortunately, someone forgot to reserve a studio."

Mr. Cote implied Mr. Paquin was that someone; however, while trying on a gray trench coat and biting on a cigar at an expensive Baltimore men's clothing store, Mr. Paquin replied, "Wait.... What? .... Does this trench coat have damn belt?" It was unclear whether the whole statement was regarding the trench coats suspicious lack of a belt, or if the first part concerned his apparent forgetfulness to reserve a local studio. Unfortunately, like always, Mr. Paquin refused to comment further, sprinkling cigar ash on our heads, and then leaving the store without paying for the trench coat.

Mr. Cote was pressed further about his apparent disdain for Goucher College. He had this to say:

"Goucher U. is the Berkeley of the East. It needs to be carpet-bombed into oblivion."

Aware of Goucher's environmental stance on practically everything, but particularly food, and also aware that Mr. Cote has yet to eat a meal without meat and potatoes throughout his twenty-odd year existence, Mr. Cote was asked what the production would be doing for the dinning situation. Mr. Cote revealed that "[he] would never eat in the dining hall because it only serves vegetables"; therefore, Carl Weathers will again be providing the craft service.

Mr. Paquin responded by pointing out Mr. Cote's characterization of Goucher's dinning hall was "not completely accurate" because "Goucher also has fruit." However, apparently that is really all it has. Mr. Paquin stated that Goucher has no dairy products or eggs.

"I cannot wait until Weather's craft service gets here. I am going to have steak, sausage, and bacon with scrambled eggs all covered in melted cheddar cheese, and... yeah that is all going to be deep fried."

Once again Mr. Cote and Mr. Paquin refused to reveal any film content. However, Mr. Cote alleged that they would "be filming scenes in [Mr. Paquin's] door room, in the hallway outside his room, on the tennis courts, and at other outdoor locations on campus." When asked if any other actors would be joining the production on Saturday, Mr. Cote stated, "If you can call Mr. Nicholas Cote an 'actor,' sure."

So far, it looks like the weekend is a great set up for another failure.

Unfortunately, neither Nicholas Cote nor Carl Weather's could be reached for comment.