First Date Of Substantial Filming: Success?

This past weekend marked the first date of substantial filming for Rachel's Graduation Gift, and it could mark the beginning of a Hollywood boondoggle rivaling that of Water World or Howard The Duck.

Speaking with Steven M. Paquin, the weekend appears to have started off smoothly. He and his hyenas, The Joker and The Two Face, arrived via his corporate helicopter at Reagan International Airport despite the fact that he was about forty-five minutes away at Goucher College in Towson, Maryland, which he currently attends as a sophomore. He then stated that he and his hyenas traveled via his corporate hummer limousine, flown in on his corporate cargo ship from the Cayman Islands, to the exclusive Mandarin Oriental hotel. "Unfortunately, [he] paid for the hotel out of [his] own pocket." "[He] thought he had an iron clad contract with the production to accommodate [his] living arrangements while filming, [Jacob Cote] told [him] [he] was misinformed."After resting, drinking, and smoking for several hours, Mr. Paquin then arrived "fashionably late" on filming location at Georgetown University's Law Campus to meet Mr. Jacob Cote.

"The first thing I wanted to do when I arrived in D.C. was to start filming. I arrived, on location, in character, and that lazy bastard Nick wasn't even there yet."

It was pointed out to Mr. Paquin that he stated he spent several hours resting, drinking, and smoking liberally and then arrived "fashionably late," directly contradicting his alleged desire to begin filming when he first arrived in D.C. Of course, Mr. Paquin denied that he said this literally fifteen seconds ago. It should also be noted that Mr. Paquin landed at Reagan at 11:00 AM, indicating that he cut his afternoon beginning horseback ridding class.

"It is actually beginning fox hunting, and I already mastered that sport while visiting the King of England."

There is currently no King of England, and Mr. Paquin appears to have no grasp of the British monarchical system.

Since Mr. Paquin arrived at 11:00 AM, he therefore arrived on location at 3:00 PM, which by Mr. Paquin's standards is unfashionably early. Furthermore, Nicholas Cote has a job; thus, he does not have the privilege of leaving early because he has already mastered the day's tasks.

Once Mr. Nicholas Cote arrived, filming proceeded late into the night with the co-creators returning to their respective residences at 12:00 AM.

The next day is when the trouble began. Mr. Paquin arrived on location with his two hyenas, which promptly devoured the craft service. We asked Mr. Paquin if he had taken Mr. Jacob Cote's advice to speak with Carl Weathers about having the craft service provide his hyenas with something instead of allowing them to eat everything.

"Oh, I did speak to Carl. I said, 'My hyenas are eating the craft service.' He said, 'Oh, then we better stop them.' I then said, 'No, you misunderstood. I am ordering to to let my hyenas eat the craft service.'"

Mr. Jacob Cote stated that "the craft service went everywhere, including in [his] hyena wounds," while Mr. Nicholas Cote claims that "[he] never saw [Mr. Paquin's] hyenas," and that this is probably "one of those stories that has been overblown by the media, especially the blogs." We then showed Mr. Nicholas Cote the photo on the left of an angry Mr. Paquin and his two hungry hyenas. He refused to comment on the topic further. Carl Weathers could not be reached for comment.

The day only appears to have gone downhill from there. According to Mr. Jacob Cote, they "almost got arrested twice." He refused to state whether the hyena incident was one of them.

Additionally, Mr. Paquin appears to have thrown a hissy-fit, storming back to his trailer exclaiming that he is "carrying this movie on [his] shoulders" because "[he] is playing about four and twenty roles exceptionally, while the other actors are barely scrapping by." He also stated that if he were not provided decent men to work with he and Francis Ford Coppola would cut the funding for the project.

However, as Mr. Paquin was screaming this Mr. Jacob Cote nervously stated that Mr. Paquin is not "playing that many roles, and certainly not all of them exceptionally," and that "[Francis Ford Coppola] has no money left, so he's not financing anything." He then laughed awkwardly and said, "You never know what's going to happen next."

Mr. Nicholas Cote also tried to calm concerns on the set by trying to play up Mr. Paquin's antics as a publicity stunt.

"[Mr. Paquin] is quite the character himself, and even when he is talking to the media, supposedly as himself, he's acting. He likes to say things to get a reaction. He likes the media attention. And you know what? It works. We get a lot of publicity just because of his outlandish personality. Kind of like when Angelina Jolie married Billy Bob Thorton. It gets everybody talking."

At the end of the weekend, Mr. Paquin and his hyenas were apparently still in his trailer, and neither Mr. Jacob Cote or Mr. Nicholas Cote could provide many specifics about the film. This is probably because they filmed very little, seeing that Mr. Paquin spent the weekend in his trailer. Mr. Jacob Cote only stated that "[they]filmed scenes at Georgetown University Law Center and at a public park," which was obvious because we were there. However, Mr. Nicholas Cote provided a more mystifying answer:

"Well, I don't want to reveal too much. As a moviegoer, I hate it when the film is spoiled for me before I go see it. I don't want to ruin it for anybody else. I'll just say the scenes I filmed over the weekend involve my character embarking on a sort of a spiritual journey, a quest. It's a lot like Conrad's Heart of Darkness that way."

Responding to this, Mr. Jacob Cote said, "Mr. Nicholas Cote is a faux-intellectual, and his literary comparisons should be completely disregarded."

There was further disagreement between the brothers as to who was actually the star of the film. Confusion on this topic began to stir when it was revealed the film would be honoring Rachel Marie, a female, while the three co-creators were all males. It was assumed that one individual would wear a female wig, and it appears these assumptions have been confirmed by some recent photos of Rachel's Graduation Gift, revealing someone resembling Mr. Paquin in a female wig and attire. However, this direct conflicts the website, which credits Mr. Nicholas Cote as the star. While Mr. Jacob Cote refused to confirm who the star was, Mr. Nicholas Cote stated that "[he] hate[s] to use words like 'star' because it's disprectful to the rest of the cast," but that "it would be accurate to say [he] play[s] the main character." Mr. Nicholas Cote further stated that "[his] character is indeed a male," and that "[n]o one is playing Rachel Marie." The brothers, however, did agree in regards to the rumors indicating that Mr. Paquin was portraying a female. Mr. Nicholas Cote refused to comment on the matter, and Mr. Jacob Cote could not confirm the rumors, and also stated that the individual in the photograph which started the rumor "could simply be one of the most hideous girl to ever walk this Earth."

Another interesting matter is though Mr. Nicholas Cote and Mr. Paquin appear in several of the photographs as characters, Mr. Jacob Cote appears in only two, both of which he is holding the camera. Mr. Jacob Cote assured that he is "playing certain as-yet-undisclosed roles in the film, for which, per [his] contract, [he] will receive top billing." This was true for his previous film "Nick: A Talkie."

Mr. Nicholas Cote expanded on Mr. Jacob Cote's comments with another mystifying statement:

"Again, I don't want to comment on the content of the film. He will indeed make at least a cameo -- think Roman in Chinatown, or Marty in Taxi Driver."

Mr. Jacob Cote was quite angry when he was presented with this comment saying, "How dare Mr. Nicholas Cote compare me to one of his arch-nemeses, that child molestor Roman Polanski, or to that daego director."

Additionally, Mr. Nicholas Cote finally killed the rumors that he has been secretly seeking acting advice from Tom Hanks.

"Tom Hanks has his Oscars. I once received an acting award in 11th grade for a short film I was in, a sort of parody of reality TV shows, The Real World in particular. I say parody, but don't think it was like Epic Movie or Date Movie or any of those. It was far more subtle, more intellectual even. So I'm not sure what advice Tom Hanks could give me. I'm not sure where those rumors started."

This appears to be a film that was solely presented among indy circles. Neither Mr. Paquin nor Mr. Jacob Cote had any role in the film. Furthermore, neither of them have seen the film; however, this did not stop Mr. Paquin from asserting that "it's po-mo garbage." However, Mr. Jacob Cote appeared to imply that Mr. Paquin might indeed be right.

"It is most telling that Mr. Nicholas Cote, despite numerous requests from me, has never shown it to me."

Tom Hanks could not be reach for comment regarding the false rumors. New rumors indicate "that Hollywood elitist [Tom Hanks] was just trying to ride [the co-creators'] coattails." Of course, this rumor was generated by Mr. Paquin.

One final setback for the co-creators came from Hollywood circles, who having seen the first photos of the production have similarly asked, "What the hell are these guys doing?" Mr. Paquin simply said, "Bastards," Mr. Nicholas Cote refused to comment, and Mr. Jacob Cote said, "That is exactly the reaction I had been hoping for."

Despite all these setbacks the co-creators maintain that the weekend was a success. Mr. Nicholas Cote once again tried to calm fears surrounding Mr. Paquin's hissy-fit by saying that he does not "want to jinx anything by bringing up a certain gold man," "[b]ut [Mr. Paquin] really is doing some tremendous character work, and [that] [he]'d love to see him honored."

Filming on Rachel's Graduation Gift should resume Friday October 17 and Saturday October 18, or Friday October 24 and Saturday October 25.